Learning to Eat Intuitively – Delay Eating

These are some notes I made back in the summer while learning to eat intuitively. Not that I think I’ve mastered it yet, but it was the beginning…want to consolidate my thoughts in one place, so moving them here. These were all journal writings I did instead of eating. Basically, when starting to learn to listen to your body and eat intuitively, it’s difficult to distinguish between emotional and physical hunger. For me, I was eating something about every two hours. Questionable if I was actually physically hungry. So when that would happen, my therapist suggested just holding off about ten minutes before eating something and journaling. The idea is to try to figure out why I really wanted to eat. Was it really physical, or was it emotional. These are exceperts and rants over a couple days of me trying this out.

July 13, 2011

7:38pm Was hungry. Distracted myself w setting up journal. Less hungry Now. Very tired. Need to take out contacts. Should probably just go to bed. But want to work on stuff. Think I’m thirsty. Will have water…

7:54 pm I’m hungry again its been coming and going since 7:40pm ish. I’ve had water bc I think I might be thirsty more than hungry. Had a burger and some salad for dinner at 7. Still kind of tired. Want to do some computer stuff before I go to bed.

8:56 pm Now I’m thinking of the cake that’s left in the fridge. Last piece. I’m feeling heartburn a bit. So maybe I am hungry.
July 14, 2011
11:20 am about 11..hungry, i think, not starving, but feel like I’m getting hungry, should I be feeling hungry? or do I just think I should be hungry b/c I haven’t eaten since 7:30, normally had 3 cheese sandwiches by now, going to sbux anyways b/c won’t be eating for a while b/c I am going to curves, so going to have a coffee and eat something.
10:55am in a minute or two, very hungry, empty feeling low in my stomach, feel like I really want to eat

July 15, 2011

8:15am Feelng hungry. In car on way out. Kind of feeling hungry before I left. Emptiness in top of stomach and back of throat. Mouth wet. Have time to kill. Dd napping in car. Want to go to walmart and toysrus before we are due to visit family. Still hunger feeling. Had cheese sandwich and coffee around 7:30. Kinda faint weekish feeling. Thinking of sbux. Will drive a bit first. Will take at least 10 min to get to on on my way to where I’m going anyhow.

7:45pm: I’ve been feeling hungry for a while…since say 5…but I had to feed Dd, DH was sleeping, knew I wouldn’t be having dinner till at least 8….now it’s 8:30 and still waiting for pizza and wings to get here. Had a bit of cheese to help tide me over…didn’t help. Had a beer after putting Dd to bed, not b/c i thought it would fill me up, but b/c I felt like having one. Feeling the urge to completely gorge myself, but will take two slices and my 6 wings on a plate and eat that first, then reasses….hoping food comes soon…

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I survived the Holidays

Well, it’s January 2nd and I’m the same person I was about ten days ago. But the difference is that I managed to survive though the holidays without being obsessed about food and my weight. Well I had some help since I had two wisdom teeth out.

Overall though, I had some great successes the last few days. While I still have body image issues to deal with and need more motivation to get fit and healthy (not skinny and lighter!), I’m definitely doing better at not using food to cope.

It’s going to be a year of challenges and positive changes.

My New Years’ Resolution is to NOT Diet

It’s been a painful week. I had two wisdom teeth removed, so I really had to judge every bite of food going into my mouth. I still do because one side is really sore. I guess this is good practice for Intuitive Eating though.

The week before, it was the stomach flu. So it’s been two weeks of just enough food. I actually feel like I fell off the wagon because it wasn’t as much of a chore to have to think about food. Or maybe it was because I stopped writing.

Well I’m back. And I’m still worried about my weight. Yes, I got on the stupid scale again to find I’ve gone UP another two pounds since I last checked about a month ago. It just doesn’t make sense to me that I’m gaining. My weight gain has never made sense to me. And still I think ‘I must be doing something wrong!’

But since I started therapy, I swear I feel like I’m doing better MOST of the time. I know I’m eating less than I was a year ago, but the numbers are just not matching up with it.

It’s frustrating and makes me doubt this whole process. But I’m desperately hanging on to the hope that it will sort itself out. This is the first ‘thing’ that hasn’t made me feel like a complete failure. Maybe because im the only person who can really measure my own sucesses. I know I don’t have it all mastered yet, but it’s made me feel empowered. And that’s more than I can say for any diet or eating program I’ve tried.

So, for 2012, my commitment is to NOT diet.

Intuitive Eating Principle #1-Reject The Diet Mentality

I am going to work my way through each Intuitive Eating Principle and where I am with each one.  As I master one, I will move on to the next.  Or then go back a step or two, but I’m going to start at the begining because it’s the one that drew me to this philosophy in the first place.

REJECT THE DIET MENTALITY

I have never been successful on a diet.  I think the longest I lasted was three months.  The most I ever lost on a diet was probalby around 30 lbs.  Isn’t that great?  Sure, it would be if I could have kept it off.

Diet’s are not sustainable.  The very nature of a diet sets you up to fail and then feel like shit about your self, so you start eating again.

The craziest diet I ever tried was the Dr. Poon Metabolic Diet. (No Dr. Bernstein for me, I was never that insane).  This one was actually recommended to me by my DOCTOR!!! OMG, from what I’ve learned since then, I can’t BELIEVE a medical professional would recommend (let alone lead) this type of diet.  I ate only MEAT and a few green vegetables (lettuce, green peppers, celery) for a month!  And I also could have no salt!  I lost 20 lbs, and then started eating other things because I couldn’t stand the restriction.  Of course I felt like a complete failure for not being able to stick to it.  Luckily I managed to get pregnant just after I ‘fell off the wagon’.

My mother constantly makes it seem like all I have to do is eat less and exercise more, and that is how simple it is.  But it`s not when you have an eating disorder is it?

I actually haven’t been on that many ‘diets’.  I don’t think I ever really believed in them.  I think I always had the thought in the back of my mind “Why can’t I just eat normally?”  But on a diet I would go, because I couldn’t just eat normally.  Maybe sticking to this plan, or writing everything down, or counting calories or points will help me lose weight.  But ultimately I couldn’t STICK to it for very long.  It was just too much work.  And if other things in my life came up, it just compounded the problem.

And then I felt even worse than before, gained it all back and then some…

I am so done with diets.  It was a relief to walk into my first therapy session and have someone affirm for me that diets don’t work, and I don’t need to go on any more diets.

It’s still not a walk in the park though.  The stuff I’m going to have to deal with is so much harder than dieting.  So much more real.  So much more painful.

I’ll get through it though.

I’m proud that I’ve rejected the diet mentality and that I’m doing my best to fight off those who keep trying to push it on me.