It’s been a fucking roller coaster the past week. I don’t know how I managed to survive it really. Maybe because the ride is still moving.
All I really want to do is eat. I just want to go to the store and buy three bags of chips and sit on my couch and eat them.
I want my life back, so I’m not going to do that. I need to make some changes. Not even that….stuff just needs to get decided and I need to focus. I need to decide to be happy maybe. I don’t know.
I need to re-learn what makes me happy? I went to a workshop the other day and was balling my eyes out when the guy said everyone’s definition of success should be ‘to be happy’.
I want that kind of success. I want the kind of success that makes me happy to jump out of bed in the morning. I don’t think I’ve ever had that..have I? If I did it feels like forever ago.
Why do I feel like more than a mess than ever? Hhmm..maybe has to do with the fact that as my employer was threatening to fire me in not so few words…all I could think was, ‘Great…someone else I’ve let down.’
I just can’t focus on anything. If I”m doing one thing, I think about the other thing I should be doing. I feel like I have ADD, but I don’t think that’s what it is. I used to be so with it. What the fuck happened?