Why does it always feel like everything happens at once

It’s been a fucking roller coaster the past week. I don’t know how I managed to survive it really. Maybe because the ride is still moving.

All I really want to do is eat. I just want to go to the store and buy three bags of chips and sit on my couch and eat them.

I want my life back, so I’m not going to do that. I need to make some changes. Not even that….stuff just needs to get decided and I need to focus. I need to decide to be happy maybe. I don’t know.

I need to re-learn what makes me happy? I went to a workshop the other day and was balling my eyes out when the guy said everyone’s definition of success should be ‘to be happy’.

I want that kind of success. I want the kind of success that makes me happy to jump out of bed in the morning. I don’t think I’ve ever had that..have I? If I did it feels like forever ago.

Why do I feel like more than a mess than ever? Hhmm..maybe has to do with the fact that as my employer was threatening to fire me in not so few words…all I could think was, ‘Great…someone else I’ve let down.’

I just can’t focus on anything. If I”m doing one thing, I think about the other thing I should be doing. I feel like I have ADD, but I don’t think that’s what it is. I used to be so with it. What the fuck happened?

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2 comments on “Why does it always feel like everything happens at once

  1. fitvsfiction says:

    LIFE happened.
    I get it. Believe me. My recovery has not been easy and certainly not fluid. There are times when I KNOW I’m living in recovery and other times when I fall back into old habits..even though I know they’ll just bring me more pain. This is a tough,TOUGH battle we’re fighting and I agree that the best thing we can achieve is happiness and we first have to figure out WHAT makes us happy and then HOW to get it…but I think that the tough times are all part of getting what we need and want…it’s like the expression goes: If you’re going through Hell..Keep GOING!

    Keep writing..keep talking and you’ll keep recovering!

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